hebo.amStrand-stray strands

Wednesday th 16, 06.1999 (20h58) they just played my theme song for '83-
'like a break in th battle/was yr part
in th wretched life/of a lonely heart-
now I'm back on th train/yeah
back on th chain gang...'
...except that christalía, th love of my life, @ one point shockd me by declaring we were-'@ worst- mortal

enemies'!(-@ best, 'boyfriend/girlfriend' -?? how dull, how pedestrian- how bewildering for such an otherwise

smart & passionate woman...how telling??)
...I wd've thought @ worst, we were still on th same side- grudging allies thrown together by force of wild,

absurd circumstance... I was so naive- so blind? I had no idea there was this war (to th death!) between men &

women!
* still am not quite over that one...afterwards, things began to fall into place- 'all is fair in love &

war'...& my mistrust & sense of having been taken advantage of grew & grew...
* my first run in nearly a week, I needed it baaad, it provided some reassurance- I started out in fear &

apprehension: my last run was in th sweltering suburban twilight of caparra last thursday, & I don't know if

whether because of dehydration from th extra heat & humidity, or gulping icecold seltzer as soon as I finishd

an excruciating minimum thirty minutes & stumbled drenchd in sweat into th house- but my heart went into this

double time- I don't know if it was tachycardia, extrasystoles, palpitations or *what*- all I know is it must

have been nearly five minutes of fighting to keep my breath slow & deep & th anxiety from mounting &

aggravating th whole thing...then th occasional skippd beat over th next hour until i had a big warm(!)bowl of

noodle soup... (wed th 30th- 1328h- blew th morning...)
sheryl crow rubs it in over & over thru th headphones- 'a change/will do
you good'
...procrastinating on returning this slick machine (powerbk G3- cd i find
one of these for under $2k in nyc?)...on going to auxilio mutuo hospital &
see if i can process health plan membership before my imminent
departure...on closing my account @ santander & buying traveler's checks...
like th charles grodin character told th 'bounty hunter' played by deniro
in 'midnight run'-
'sometimes, (sometime?) you(ll?) just *have to* let go...'
you better find/somebody to...d=(8{>